your mileage may vary

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When you’re pregnant, everyone who’s been there before you likes to pass on the “real” story of what pregnancy is like. While I think everybody’s experience is different, hearing the first-hand experiences of others did help me get over some of my fears. I think I also kept a lot of worries at bay by sticking to this philosophy:
Assume that everything will go well with your delivery. If you start worrying about things that can go wrong, you WILL be worried about the wrong things. Then you will have spent all that time being scared for no reason.
Thanks to genetics and luck, I had a relatively easy pregnancy and delivery, but there were a few things that surprised me along the way. Here’s how a few of the major issues played out in my case.
Morning Sickness: It’s way more real than I thought. I always thought pregnant ladies were making a big deal out of nothing, and should just toughen up. Stupid karma.
Delivery: Actually, it was kind of great. It hurt really a lot, especially at first when it was too early for drugs, but it was exciting and the end product makes you forget a lot of the bad parts. The whole thing was over pretty quickly. The actual pushing is the part I was most worried about, in terms of pain, damage to my body, and loss of dignity. The epidural and episiotomy I talk about below, and the loss of dignity was doable. I made them put the mirror away, and Blake and my mom were the only non-medical personnel in the room (and they stayed up by my head). The whole pooping on the delivery table thing isn’t worth worrying about. Seriously. As Andrea said, that’s how you know you’re doing it right.
Epidural: AWESOME. I didn’t have any bad side effects, and it was much more effective in terms of pain relief than the narcotics I got through my IV earlier on. I could still feel when the contractions were happening, and I could still push. The epidural mostly meant that I started having fun and getting into the excitement of the birth, rather than being so concerned about the pain.
Episiotomy: No big whoop. I found out later that Blake pushed my epidural button to give me some more drugs as soon as the doctor told me he was going to do it, and I’m sure that helped. Getting in and out of my hospital bed was sketchy, and later the healing was a little itchy, but it’s got to be better than a tear, right?
Recovery: Maybe I was overconfident, since I felt like I handled pregnancy so well. I came home from the hospital swollen all over, sore, and bleeding. I feel a lot better now, but it’s been four months and I still don’t feel back to my normal self. Maybe I never will. Carrying that weight around stuck awkwardly to the front of your body for nine months takes a toll on your bones and muscles. Also, there’s no getting around the fact that there’s a lot of healing that has to happen.
Postpartum depression: I don’t remember feeling depressed, but I did feel very overwhelmed at times. Everything would be fine, and then suddenly it would all be too much and I would burst into tears. I think the thing that really helped me through it was to have Blake by my side, constantly telling me what a great mom I am. (Thank you, sweetheart.)
Breastfeeding: It was really hard to get started, and I had to be really motivated to do it. The pump, nipple shields, and help from a lactation specialist were essential. Now it’s easy to do, but I’m always tied to the baby or to a breast pump.
So, there you have it–probably more than you wanted to know. Sometime before I forget too many details, I plan to post the whole story of Nora’s delivery.

She just looks like a Lulu, OK?

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I name all of Nora’s toys. I figure you have to refer to the toy somehow, and it’s easier to say “Hey, Blake, will you grab Simon?” than to say “Hey, will you grab that sort of gender-confused but snooty-looking white teddy bear on the shelf in Nora’s room? Or maybe on the dresser?” Plus, I think finding the right name to fit the personality of the toy is fun.
If you’ve met some of Nora’s toys before, you might already know their names. Here’s a chance to test your knowledge (or guessing skills). Click on the thumbnails if you want a close-up of the toy for your in-depth analysis, but don’t click on the names unless you think you’ve already figured it out.
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
1. Lulu
2. Belinda
3. Rolf
4. Oscar
5. Sadie
6. Ruby
7. Kenneth
8. The Nemesis

On Becoming Baby Wise

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It’s hard for me to find time to read a whole book about parenting when I’m actively being a parent. When I do have time to read, I’d much rather read something fun and escapist. So, when my neighbor heard that we’re having problems getting Nora to sleep at night and lent me a copy of Baby Wise, I didn’t want to read it. I looked for an audiobook version, but there doesn’t seem to be one. What I really wanted was for someone to read the book and just tell me the important or relevant points. Well…nobody did that, and we needed to get Nora’s sleeping schedule straightened out, so I bit the bullet and read the book myself.
The tone of the book is a bit condescending, and it alternately made me feel like great parent and like a failure who was ruining her child’s life, but there are some good points. I think we’ll try some of the things we aren’t already doing and see if our situation improves. In case someone else is looking for the easy way out (like I was), I’ll list what I feel are the salient points.

  • Your job is to be a parent, guiding your child to do what will be best for him/her in the long run. The child is not your friend or peer, and doesn’t know what is best for him or herself.
  • The parent should run the home, not the child. The child should be welcomed into your existing family structure, instead of changing the family setup so everything is centered around the child.
  • Feedings should be administered when a parent assesses that they are needed, based on hunger cues from the child balanced with an eye to the clock.
  • A regular routine is comforting for your child and helps his or her body to settle in to a healthy schedule of sleeping and metabolizing food. It also promotes more successful breastfeeding. Some flexibility in the routine is fine.
  • Your child can sleep through the night. A little crying before the child falls asleep is normal. If the child wakes up cranky and crying, he or she is probably not getting enough sleep–the parents shoud let the child fall back asleep. When the child is rested, he or she should wake up cooing and happy.
  • A breastfed baby should be fed every 2 1/2 to 3 hours, with the feeding followed by wakeful time and then a 1 1/2-hour nap. An exception to this is the late evening (or midnight) feeding, when the child can be put to bed immediately after eating. The child will be awake when he or she is put in bed. As your child gets older, there will be more wakeful time and fewer naps during the day.
  • Parents must learn to interpret their child’s different cries. Not all cries should be answered with food–babies can also be comforted with cuddling, burping, a diaper change, or resettling into sleep.

    • So, there you go! If this system works for Nora, I’ll let you know.